Breaking news; the world is fucking shit and all people do is make it worse for you.
This is the message that flashed across my brain when I woke up this morning. "The world is shit and no one can help you." Your wife/husband? NOPE! Your bestfriends? NOPE! Your faith? DEFINITELY NOT! Alright, you get it? NO!? Ok then let me explain your troubles in too deeper perspective. You know what betrayal is right? It doesn't matter, I'll define it anyways.
be·tray
Dictionary result for betray
/bəˈtrā/
verb
verb: betray; 3rd person present: betrays; past tense: betrayed; past participle: betrayed; gerund or present participle: betraying
1.
expose (one's country, a group, or a person) to danger by treacherously giving information to an enemy.
"a double agent who betrayed some 400 British and French agents to the Germans"
synonyms:
break one's promise to, be disloyal to, be unfaithful to, break faith with, play someone falsely, fail, let down; More
antonyms:
be loyal to
treacherously reveal (secrets or information).
"many of those employed by diplomats betrayed secrets and sold classified documents"
synonyms:
reveal, disclose, divulge, give away, leak, lay bare, make known, uncover, unmask, expose, bring out into the open, tell; More
antonyms:
conceal, hide
be disloyal to.
"his friends were shocked when he betrayed them"
2.
unintentionally reveal; be evidence of.
"she drew a deep breath that betrayed her indignation"
That is what betrayal is. To break one's promises, to be disloyal, to let down, to play with someone's feelings. If you don't know what this feeling feels like then I'll explain it to you. It feels like someone fucking stabbed you in the heart with a knife and spat in your eye. It is the ultimate feeling of let down. The feeling of "now you want to kill yourself or that person." It is the reason that you can never open up to people, not even the ones you love the most, not even the ones that you trust the most. They will all come back and fucking stab you in the back, one way or another. One other reason that no one can help you in this shithole of a planet. Hate. Hate is a natural thing in humans and you will always have that one person or thing that you hate. Hate is the reason kids like me are thrown away to the "sick fuckers" pile of society. All of you fake fuckers who are "COOL" are just fucking trash that has yet to be taken out. Maybe one day an air strike will demolish your house and family and you have to live like a "Poor Person" maybe that you will understand that just cause you have money doesn't mean that everybody has money. The sad part about that is that you probably will never learn and you will just continue to be the deliberate ass you've always been. I'm gonna rage about my problems now. Ok, so authority has always been an issue with me. There is no reason to have certain rules and laws in place. All they are, are just a nuisance to me and a lot of other kids in this world. Like the fucking "Society law" about having your hair long or a weird color. Every fucking person in this goddamn world thinks that if you have long hair or any color in your hair that your a fucking loser and a slacker. I mean if you're saying no that's not true then think about if fucking Malala Yousafzai changed her hair to neon green and had dreads.What the fuck would you think about he now.... huh? You would think that she turned emo and is a "Punk" now.... wouldn't you. Cause all you guys would think now is that she's now weird and is no longer an activist for women's education, would you? Anyways, there are so many "Society rules" that piss me off so much but this is the one that is driving me crazy right now. Honestly, I am running out of rage and words right now so i guess that this is the end of this one.... bye!
Who am I? Who am I? Honestly, that is a question I can't answer for you guys... I don't even know myself... every single time I feel like I know myself pretty well I just get all turned around and start back at square one. I've been trying to figure out who I am ever since my 9th birthday... ( Btw, that's when everything went to shit in my life ) Life hasn't been nice to me, my thoughts, feelings, and soul. I basically have no more feeling left inside of me, aside from when I carve words into my skin, then I focus on the pain cause that's the only thing that's really gonna make sense in the end anyways. My thoughts have only gotten darker and more sexualized since I was 10yrs old... I don't think that I could ever go back to being my younger more happy, safe, innocent, careless little self again... I am too far gone. Too far gone to be happy or careless again... too far gone to be safe or innocent again... too far gone to be me again... Sadly...
Not enough sleep... So the mixed feelings are here again to torment me ... Why is it that these mixed feelings enter my brain? I don't know your guess is as good as anyones. I mean I treat my body and emotions like shit so that's probably the reason why, but still why are they so mixed and diverse....? Coldness creeps into my spine when I'm numb, It's really not uncomfortable, it's really just slightly reassuring, it lets me know I'm still a person, and that I've not lost all of myself to the darkness that eats at me constantly..... I don't even know if I can hold on much longer than this...... I feel like I'm losing everyone I've ever cared or loved in my life, I mean my parents are divorcing after 27 years of being together, my girlfriend is slowly fading away from me and reappearing in some other guys arms instead of mine, I've basically lost all contact with my friends from Cali. and my friends here are slipping past my finge...
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